This blog was intended to share more photos than words, but I need a place to document what I am about to do, and the name Blinksleep works perfectly. In roughly 10 days I begin a life as a graveyard-shift worker in a warehouse for a large online retailer. My orientation is scheduled a week from tomorrow, at which point I hope to have a better idea of what my duties will include, but so far I have spent the last few weeks with my imagination running wild. I have read uncomplimentary accounts from other employees, and am bracing for the worst. Every day that comes closer I weigh my options, wondering if I should back out now and find another source of income. But the curious part of me wants to know what it’s really like, see how it all works, and discover more about what I am able to tolerate physically. I feel like I am mentally preparing for a battle that will require courage, determination and endurance. Strangely enough, a few nights ago my young daughter told me she dreamed I was training to go to war. I had armor and a sword. To further the irony, my new boss named his company for a river, which was subsequently named for a race of warrior women who lived there. Coincidence? We shall see. After being free from anyone’s payroll checks for about 13 years, this is a big change.
Yes, our family needs an income boost – but for how long I don’t know. Yes, there are sane ways to make a living that don’t include 10 hour shifts at night, commuting by a road that has some of the worst traffic back-ups in the entire state. But new environments and experiences inspire me. Meeting new people widens my view of the world. If I have any energy left to write, I will share my thoughts.
My first inner battle centers around a contradiction. This is the opposite direction of everything I want to do in life. I want to stay home with my kids. I don’t want to support a culture that has been consumed with consumerism and giant corporations. This is against most of what I consider my “value system”. But so is watching my husband struggle to provide in a time when things are not going as planned, and the world does not operate on my set of values. I have to wonder if there is a larger purpose to all this than my hourly wage? Why have I chosen this path with loathing, yet unable to turn back? Will I last a week, a month, or spend years of my life here moving up and building a retirement fund? I’ve made many plans in my life that have never come to pass. Maybe now life is planning me.