Facing the Brick Walls

Today I revisited a place I never wanted to go again since leaving many years ago.  We try to stay positive, not think about the cliff precipice we are walking along, and imagine a wide plane just around the corner where we won’t have to find a distraction for anxiety.  Most of the time it works.  Then one day it doesn’t.  You realize you can’t go any direction.

Our great American value system says there is always a way for those who are willing.  I mostly believe this.  Maybe I’m just not willing to go far enough.

I have sold (and continue to list) items of value and have sold quite a bit.  Most of what I own has no significant value.  In fact my TV and Entertainment center are so dated I can’t even give them away, although I would be happy to see them go.  The donation plasma center turned me down because my veins aren’t large enough to withstand their needles.  The real estate agent sent a message saying the first week of our listing only resulted in one showing, which means we are asking too much.  We missed the mark and the “New Listing” advantage.  And today I needed $46.00 for the county clerk to get documents for a low-income health coverage application, and I have less than that in my checking account.  I have no credit cards.  I am at that point where I know it’s not forever, but it feels pretty crappy in the moment.

I thought I would have at least one paycheck this month.  My husband thought he would have more work.

But hey, here is a squirrel.


Yes, feeling better now.

I know it will all work out.  I am thankful for my amazing kids, a roof, clothing, health, food, and a car that starts.  No guarantee anything on that list will be there tomorrow like it is today, so I will be thankful.  Some days I get knocked down by the slightest breeze.  But tomorrow is a new day.